Late-Night Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's prominent entertainers devoted the evening mocking former President Donald Trump's newly unveiled immigration initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a obvious cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a mock Christmas song about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins each thing he touches."

The focus was the controversial plan that enables international nationals to acquire U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, with a "premium" version for 5 million. A government portal pledges approval "faster than ever."

"One note here to affluent applicants: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the scheme is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies wishing to hire foreign workers, requiring hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your selection – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The most thorough screening the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, noting it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings during economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.